January 29, 2014 § 2 Comments
You are on the right track. keep it up!
Well, I would definitely send my children to you.
Said my supervisor today. Those words meant a lot to me. They probably meant everything to me. Being in the education line, whenever anyone approached me and asked “So what’s your plan in the future? Are you ready to teach?”, I admit that I always could never answer the question. Honestly, I had never imagined myself teaching for real, what more imagine my teaching style, my future career or anything in that line.
I’d always remember the almost-killing anxiety on my very first day in school/class. Honestly, I was almost at the verge of a panic attack.
Now, after 2 weeks in school, I could never imagine how I would feel after 3 months. It’s a little early to talk about the emotional connection, but I already have the image in mind. Shall update about it when the time comes! (:
I had planned to post about my daily teaching experiences, but I could never find the time. School has me occupied. I am constantly thinking about my students each day, in a good way. Got to say that it is not because they are all boys! Lol.
And suddenly, I feel that I have grown older…
October 15, 2013 § 1 Comment
In life, there would be many circumstances in which we reflect upon what we have with people around us.
We may have friends whom we have known their names yet we have never spoken a single word to.
We may have closed ones who have turned into strangers in our lives.
We may have certain people who used to be the light of our lives, but now they no longer care about our existance anymore.
We may have best friends whom we realised that we no longer understand them like before.
Nevertheless, we still have friends whom we have never met for ages yet catching up is never difficult nor complicated.
And that is what is most important after all. :’)
July 23, 2013 § Leave a comment
This is one of those times that I feel helpless because I couldn’t craft what I think and feel into words.
Pathetic. This is a word which keeps haunting me at the moment.
Right now, all I’m doing is keeping myself from thinking how pathetic certain things and people can be.
Oh. Welcome back to Kelantan.
June 4, 2013 § 1 Comment
That was the last sentence my tutor said to me when she saw me looking at my empty lecture class opposite her office before I left. I bad her goodbye and she gave a tight squeeze when I hugged her.
At that moment, my heart sank into pieces. I could still remember the unwillingness to leave Malaysia in 2010. I could still remember how much I longed to be back at home just after I started the first day in Plymouth. I could still remember how foreign it felt to be in Marjon, the small university college which clearly was not surrounded by great facilities. I could still remember wishing that three years would come by like the blink of the eye.
I could still remember questioning myself if taking up the whole scholarship is what I really wanted.
Today, I had the answer.
This is what I want to do. I want to be a teacher, who can inspire others like how my teachers and lecturers have inspired me.
Writing this now, I laughed at myself. Maybe it’s a little too late to realise that..
Three months ago, I was really happy and eager for the fact that I would be home for good after three years.
Now, when it’s finally less than two weeks to go, I stumble upon a weird unwillingness to leave.
The thought of leaving the peaceful town, the warm university, the happy life and the loving family here is very much depressing.
The worse part is, each day seems to go faster than the day before.
So that’s it. This is really the final bit of the journey.
April 15, 2013 § Leave a comment
Yep. The remaining five weeks of classes here. I began throwing myself a million questions as I sat in the empty classroom early in the morning.
Will I ever had the chance to be here in this class, this town, this country again?
What is it that I have learnt for the past three years?
How will I ever remember the experiences of studying in a place like this?
A million questions like that flooded my mind, and I did not have a single question to any. Not ready to leave? It’s startng to sink in. Just a month ago, I was really eager to be home finally. Like really finally. Now, the fact that ‘everything will be your last’ ignites an uncertainty.
Few things that I’ve learnt today in class:-
1. “A successful teacher is a teacher who LOVEs the subject and CAREs for the students.”
2. You can see right through someone who pretends to care.
3. People and things change fast. You just have to accept the fact.
March 20, 2013 § Leave a comment
When there is a desire there’s gonna be a flame,
Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned,
But just because it burns
Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,
You gotta get up and try and try,
You gotta get up and try and try.
Trying is the most I can do.
January 30, 2013 § Leave a comment
In the midst of producing words for dissertation, I looked out the window on my left.
A minute ago, the sun was shining brightly, so brightly that I had moved my belongings to the seat further away. Now, I see little raindrops hitting the window pane, accompanied by strong gushes of wind. A group of athletic guys across the field kicked their football away, and run for shelter.
The sudden change in weather. So rainy and so windy.
It distracts me for a second.
And in my earphones, Boyce Avenue’s lyrics went by.
Inside you’re dying cause you can’t believe…
It was none of your fault… (song: Broken Angel)
How this moment complements my feelings right now.
It’s okay. I will not question. Anymore.
And just another minute later, the sun appeared again. And so, the rain just stopped. As abruptly as it appeared.
How I wish this feeling would disappear as easily as that.