Having a Day as One Does

May 24, 2012 § 2 Comments

Saying that you appreciate people around you is not enough. Saying that you are contented with life is not enough. Saying that you are lucky for having such great friends and family is not enough. Saying that you will do something good is not enough.

Because saying it doesn’t mean anything until you prove it.

Lately, I’ve been receiving enough shocking news.

Two months back, one of my housemates struggled with severe nose-bleeding for consecutive days. One midnight, he knocked at our doors all of a sudden, holding a huge basin below his jaw, with blood dripping down his nostrils. In the basin, there was already a huge mass of blood clot. We (the three girls at Level 2 of the house) started screaming and asking him what had happened. The moment he started to speak, a rush of blood suddenly flooded his nostrils and he bent forward. Tips for nose-bleeding : Tilt the head forward and pinch the soft part of the nose together just below the bony center of the nose. Do that, and the pressure helps stop force the blood into his mouth, and the next moment he was vomiting blood out from his mouth! Then, the commotion of calling the paramedics at 1am, washing away the massive blood clot and unable to sleep for the whole night – you know what, I should stop before I started to imagine that scene again. What I wanted to say is, I was literally shaking and shivering like nobody’s business.

Few weeks back, the father of one of my classmates passed away. He was our charismatic class leader and the president of the Malaysian Marjon Association. His father was admitted to the ICU the moment they diagnosed him with lung disease, but it was too late for further treatment. We managed to organise an immediate donation so that he could fly home immediately, but his father was announced dead the day before the flight. His whole world tumbling down? Maybe, but I think it was worse. It’d be like the world has just suddenly disappeared. Up till now, I still wonder how he wears that brave expression every day. He said that the family was poor and his mum is now left with two younger sisters of ages less than 12.

When one of my close friends told me that she was heartbroken, my whole heart reached out for her. I would be lying if I tell her that I could feel the same pain she was going through, but I do understand how much it hurts to face the most pathetic moments when you think you have fallen in love.

Two weeks ago, I watched the complete video of LoveLife, in which I cried both eyes out throughout the whole of it. Watching the kids and their family members facing the super-deadly disease, cancer, my heart literally just sank to my kidneys. I didn’t even dare to wonder “What if it were me?”. Really, I think I wouldn’t be able to overcome anything like close to that. I’m just like a piece of paper waiting to be crumbled and torn into tiny little pieces.

Yesterday, the grandmother of one of my close friends passed away. This friend of mine has been pursuing her studies overseas, much longer than any of us. The saddest part of all is that she could not make it to see the last of her grandmother, despite the help offered. Knowing that something has happened to a family member and not being able to do anything about it because of the distance, that kind of feeling could have caused a horrible depression.

This week, one of my colleagues at work was absent for 2 days. She said she was not feeling well, and we thought it was because she couldn’t get over a terrible hungover. Just an hour after we started work today, she called my supervisor and told that she has got leukaemia. And she is like what, 20 years old?

These shocking news that come to my ears in this 2 months, if each of it were in the form of thunderstorms or volcanic eruptions, surely every single cell in my body would have been deformed, degenerated and decomposed for nine life cycles already. My friends always told me that I am a someone who would not be affected by emotions easily, but seriously, I think I might be the one with the weakest heart when dealing with emotions.

Again, I am reminded of something very important : life comes to you in the most surprising way indeed.

It could leave you broken for the rest of your life.

And what am I busy doing in life? Nothing more than just giving myself all the time in the world to procrastinate and enjoy every moment of it.

Geez. I am sick of myself.

Period.

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