January 1, 2012 § 4 Comments
A few minutes to midnight, I was already sitting on the bed facing the laptop. A sudden pump of adrenaline rush flowed through my receptors as I looked at the local time. 5 more minutes to go. Right after shower just now, I had removed the 2011 calender, replacing it with a new one. The specially personalised calender I made for him and myself. A gift I hope could be the timeline for memorable moments for the coming year. 2011 was indeed the hardest year of my life. So many things changed – interests, emotions, thoughts and above all love and friendship. I can’t say for sure what caused these changes. Maybe it was me myself failing to recognise what that was there in front of my eyes. Maybe it was because I was waiting for something that would never come true. Maybe it was me myself having expectations on certain things. Maybe it was me failing to make balance between all the important things in life. Ah, too many maybe’s that could make you think forever.
On this very same day last year, I was out partying like nobody’s business. I wanted to be in a new environment, to be part of the local new year countdown. It was an experience I would not forget, and never could. It was the day of so many events, so many different emotions, with a particular lesson to be learnt. For a mistake you have done, there is always a price to pay. That’s one of the rules of life, isn’t it?
And so, the bf suggested that I watch the New Year firework celebration on BBC online. It was one of the prettiest firework releases I have seen on TV, what more to see it on live. I seriously have to watch it next year, I told myself. I smiled at the arrival of 2012 and couldn’t help feeling so ever grateful. The thought of family and friends brought a sense of peace at once. Having them in my life makes me so greedy, because I want them to be in my life. Forever.
Life can be so unpredictable at times. I would have never imagined walking down this road, and ending up here today. Very few people have ever knew what I really aimed for in life; I would rather not put on too high hopes because I had fallen so painfully before. But walking down this road has been the best thing ever. I have come to realise there are so many things to be learnt in life, apart from achievements.
I started to run through pictures in my backup files, until a soft beep on my phone woke me up from the reminiscing moments. The very first Whatsapp message I received for the year. Sadly enough, it was to tick me off for failing to cut myself into two and treat everything equally between love and friendship again.
To what extent could you understand someone? Never if you never put yourself in someone’s shoes.
Did you realise that you should not blame others for doing what you yourself are doing? Did you know that I was in the situation that that particular period of time might be the most difficult time of my life? Did you know that I was only doing what keeps me happy?
Just how much a person can light up your life, that same person can hurt you in the same manner.
I remain silent not because I have nothing to say. Rather, I’m hoping that this will be my only contribution to make things right again. Quoted from a friend’s status on fb. Exactly what I was going through.
And so, I couldn’t sleep with the little pain in my heart till this morning, and I had to pull myself out from bed at 2.30pm.