what i see?

May 30, 2010 § Leave a comment

Today I am reminded of one fact which we won’t be able to deny in life.

Humans are selfish creatures. There is only one thing people turn to when it comes to making decision.

Themselves.

All I want right now is to board on the bus and close my eyes with loud music throughout the 10 hours. Free from realizing the selfishness in humans. Free from developing hatred and dissatisfaction towards humans. Free from having to sigh about life.

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Dear God

May 18, 2010 § 4 Comments

Dear God,

Thank you for today. You have pointed out something very meaningful, although it left me worrying in despair. The truth is I felt so terrible. As if I just had a mouthful of sour vinegar. I am satisfied that I did my best in today’s paper, but I started to worry the moment I came out of the examination hall. I did a very extraordinary move by disagreeing with the given statement for the novel part. It was out of no-choice decision. All I could do now is to hope that the examiners would accept the answer. At least read and evaluate my answers, please? And my answers for the poem part were inaccurate. It could cost me a whole deal of marks for that section. And I have a very slight chance to even obtain a pass in total for the paper. That thought really scared me. No I am not okay. Images of that assignment, the lecturer and this examination paper just won’t leave me alone. I think I screwed up the paper. But at least I learnt that things wouldn’t come easy. I should be more careful. And perhaps more hopeful. Thank you for letting me realize there is still something called hope.

Dear God,

Could I just make a small wish right now?

Ah, finals is here!

May 15, 2010 § 2 Comments

I would be having my finals in two days, so I thought it’s probably a good time for me to write about it. Not that I’m super excited about it anyway; exams sort of have this charm which make me a little cranky and foamy. The fact that two years have came to an end cheers me up, although there is a part of me wishing that I could rewind the time.

1. I guess my stress level is pretty comforting – I’m still on Facebook, Msn, Skype every day (perhaps less than usual but I still do switch on these IMs whenever I’m reading up on articles and news). I even stole some time on my last weekend for Vampire Diaries and Jennifer’s Body. You wouldn’t want to know the list for the rest of the month. *smacks myself*

2. I have forgotten how it feels like to sit for exams. I don’t know it’s a good thing or bad; all I know is that I don’t feel the tension and I haven’t been on studying mood more than 3 hours per day. 45 minutes is not enough for a short essay, and I wonder how am I going to answer 4 similar questions in 3 hours.

3. It’s not good when people have expectations on you. It makes me edgy and worried; what-ifs started floating out of nowhere. I haven’t been really thinking about exams all this while. Maybe it slipped off my mind, until now.

4. All those catching-ups for the next few days would have to wait. *strictly reminds myself*

5. iwishicouldtellyouhowmuchimissyou

5. Life goes on. Documents to be submitted. Details to be updated. Emails to be replied. Notes to be revised. Activities to be attended. Routine to be enjoyed. Fun dominates most of them, and that’s the reason I’m yet to be worn out. Nah, I am not that busy to be totally exhausted.

6. Finals seem challenging. And the battle is starting in just two days. Let’s hope my weapon and armour are ready by then!

Good luck to me.

At 7 in the morning..

May 7, 2010 § Leave a comment

Random morning pictures at the field.

Happy Happy Weekend! xD

And inferiority takes over.

May 5, 2010 § Leave a comment

You understand or not?

I nodded my head as a sign that I understood what she said. Part of me could not accept her judgments and I was not sincere at all when I said Okay I’ll correct it now. I couldn’t believe that the whole junk of work was being scribbled and doubted. I wanted to shout THIS IS SO UNFAIR! but alas, I did not. Instead, I smiled bluntly and handed my paper after 15 minutes.

I am such a loser. I could not even defend myself.

Today, I see how pathetic humans can be. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for myself.

I guess this was for my own good. Maybe what I produced was really bad. Perhaps I wasn’t up to the standard.

Do mirror yourself K J Y.

Howdy

May 2, 2010 § Leave a comment

Woke up after snoozing the alarm for 3 times. Lazily forcing myself to sit up, I was startled when I heard my phone vibrating. The Trouble Is A Friend ringtone at 6.50?! Even surprised when I saw the incoming call. My tutor. Reminded me about the session we are having later in class. It appeared that only I picked up her call. It is a public holiday today, and non-academic classes don’t really seem appealing. Haha.

Our guest was Mr Stuart Gold, the ICT lecturer of UCP MARJON. He has conducted a lot of programmes and projects in schools and colleges. Very nice fellow. Even at first encounter, he was so friendly while we were walking from the office to class. His slide presentation was simple, but simply amazing with his animated projects. He humbly referred them as computer drawings. Happy to hear that we would be having ICT lessons with him. He shared his experiences and even showed us the tour videos around the college and ICT building. Can’t wait to be there!

Presented our cultural performances. Joget Kelantan and Indian dance. Our two-days practices were paid off, hopefully. (:

The college cafe was closed down for few days (or maybe 2 weeks) due to hygiene problems. Some officers from the Health Department made a spot-check last Thursday and found that the cleanliness was not satisfactory.

My scars are not getting better. Maybe a bit better, but still f-ugly! 😦

Younger brother sent me a message asking about something, and told me he watched Iron Man 2 and Ip Man 2 yesterday. Gave me a brilliant idea of going home next weekend just to watch movie, which I would gladly accept if mum permits. Mummy, can ar? Lol.

Elder brother spoke to me in Msn, telling me that he was enjoying his sweet time at home. Eating yogurt. Going out for dinner. Fishing  me with whatever he could.

My life is so miserable! I want to go home! 😦

Been quite busy lately. Many things ran through my head, and sometimes I feel like I’m drowning.

Listening to Yiruma’s Kiss The Rain made me surprisingly relaxed. Maybe it is also because of the Johnson Baby’s aroma. Contented with life. It wasn’t that bad after all. (:

2nd May. Exactly 14 days from now. But I’m having a problem here. I should be feeling stressed by now!

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