April 15, 2010 Comments Off on Weak
I had one hell of a time for the past two weeks. Things turned up out of nowhere, and now I’m finding for something to cling onto.
How naive I was. Things could happen in the most unexpected ways.
I stood at the window, feeling the cold air outside. Walked out of the room, have a look at the square box from this fourth floor, came in and sat down. This was what I used to do. Whenever some matters came into the mind. Whenever I could not figure things out. I guess I haven’t been doing that for quite some time, until now. No it’s not confusion or frustration. Just thinking about things that had happened. Or rather is happening. The things which appeared at the same time.
I still couldn’t find a word to describe them.
This time, I don’t find it to be amusing anymore. They got real deep into me, and I felt the pricks one by one. The pain. I don’t know why words seem to have such powerful impact on me nowadays. My emotions were triggered with just some words. I hate to be so sensitive, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling sad or angry at what people said. I almost teared twice, and I scolded myself for being so weak.
And I couldn’t find anything for me to hold on to.
I wanted to tell them all out. But I couldn’t find the way to tell it.
That little conversation stole my emotions again.
Gawd. Here’s the tears.
When I thought I’ll be alright, I was wrong.