April 24, 2010 § Leave a comment
April 17, 2010 § Leave a comment
I started to wonder when was the last time I made a wish. The last time I went to temple, I said “I have nothing to wish for”.
I couldn’t recall the last time I made a wish first thing in the morning. I have forgotten how it is to feel hopeful for the rest of the day.
I used to have hopes for success, studies, happiness, changes, whatever. Where did it all go?
Where is the flicker of light? Where is the drive of inspiration? Where is the divine influence? Where’s the star?
I look for the star even though I know that a wish upon the star just doesn’t come true. Ironic, huh.
Currently listening to Chances by Five For Fighting. Maybe repeated in my WMP for the 10th time already.(:
Where’s the star?
April 15, 2010 Comments Off on Weak
I had one hell of a time for the past two weeks. Things turned up out of nowhere, and now I’m finding for something to cling onto.
How naive I was. Things could happen in the most unexpected ways.
I stood at the window, feeling the cold air outside. Walked out of the room, have a look at the square box from this fourth floor, came in and sat down. This was what I used to do. Whenever some matters came into the mind. Whenever I could not figure things out. I guess I haven’t been doing that for quite some time, until now. No it’s not confusion or frustration. Just thinking about things that had happened. Or rather is happening. The things which appeared at the same time.
I still couldn’t find a word to describe them.
This time, I don’t find it to be amusing anymore. They got real deep into me, and I felt the pricks one by one. The pain. I don’t know why words seem to have such powerful impact on me nowadays. My emotions were triggered with just some words. I hate to be so sensitive, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling sad or angry at what people said. I almost teared twice, and I scolded myself for being so weak.
And I couldn’t find anything for me to hold on to.
I wanted to tell them all out. But I couldn’t find the way to tell it.
That little conversation stole my emotions again.
Gawd. Here’s the tears.
When I thought I’ll be alright, I was wrong.