October 17, 2009 § 2 Comments

I came up with a random analogy.

I have an umbrella which I like very much. It’s long and slim, and white in colour. It’s as beautiful as a beautiful woman. Slim and long, tender legs; fair and smooth, flawless skin. I take care of it as though it was my love. But as time goes by, I started to wonder why I fell in love with it at the first place. Its white colour changed to yellow. Its long body does not bring convenience, as compared to fold-able umbrella. I tried to make use of it as frequent as possible by bringing it out on rainy days. But, my heart is already whispering something. I started to wonder whether I should throw the umbrella and buy a new one or keep using it. After so many years, I still love it, for all the services it has done. So, in order to avoid myself from feeling guilty,  I tried to dispose it without throwing it as trash. Whenever I brought the umbrella, I purposely leave it behind. Wherever I can; the restaurant, bus-stop, shopping mall. But it just wouldn’t let me. There is sure to be some angelic and responsible people who noticed it and came running to this owner. One time after another, this umbrella of mine would always return to me as though there is fate between us. One question struck me; is this umbrella bothering me? Why am I still keeping it? What is it that stops me from throwing it away? I promised myself that I won’t get a new umbrella unless I get rid of this one. And so, our life together continues. It continued protecting me in both rain and shine. One day, when I least expected it, the umbrella went missing. I should be feeling happy and relieved then, but it shocked me that I was actually running all around the town searching for it. I went to the restaurant, the book shop, the cafe, but there was no sign of my white umbrella. A question struck me; why am I feeling sad now? Finally it’s gone, and good news is it’s gone without my intention. But there is something that is pulling my heart. Something that insisted that I find it back. I found the lost umbrella in the cinema. It was there, waiting for me with its long, sulky face. It just ripped my heart that I immediately took it away with me. Maybe I wasn’t ready for a farewell. Maybe it’s just not the suitable time yet. Actually, looking at this incident from another point of view, maybe it really is a good news that I did not lose the umbrella after all. Perhaps if I did not make the effort to find it back, I would be burst up with regret and disappointment. Perhaps I won’t realise how much I loved it, and how much it really meant to me. When we like something, it is true that we would enjoy it very much. No matter how it has changed, or whether there are any better choices available.

Nobody wants to be in the ball of regret and disappointment. Nobody wants to have a life having to remember something which we wished happened the other way.

Ever had the feeling of  wanting to give up on something, but yet you still feel that you could put on some effort on it?

Ever wished for a miracle when you know that things are realistic?

Ever hesitated to throw your old stuff away although you already have its replacement?

We know that some things are meant to be, and some are not. In trying to find out more, we would often end up entangled with some emotions and memories. Sometimes we wished some things never happened, but from another perspective, some things made you strong and keep you going. So, some of us chose to go with the flow. No rush, no expectation. Because the more the expectation, the more the disappointment.

And some things go so far that we’ll bury it in a hole so deep.



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