The Story of Waking Up

September 25, 2009 § 2 Comments

From the moment our head hits the pillow at night until the moment we open our eyes in the morning, our mind is filled with questions. Questions which we hope would be answered. Questions which sometimes don’t make any sense. Questions which make us realize the existence and significance of some things. Questions which sometimes are avoided. Questions which might eventually lead to a change and discovery. Questions which we might already expect the answer. Questions which can make you feel weak. Questions which make you a loser.

Questions that remain as questions.

It’s getting condensed, it’s getting concentrated, it’s getting saturated. Things are getting crazy.

Yet, some things just can’t find its way out of the tangled web.

And that is how I woke up with such pain today. 😦


cuti Raya mood

September 17, 2009 § 2 Comments

1. Down with running nose. Nose slightly blocked and I’m starting to sneeze continuously. Tissues and more tissues. Damn irritating. Well, one has to pay for the things she has done. Went to bazar just now and we were all caught in sudden rain. Ran in the pouring rain all the way towards the hypermarket, just to find out that the rain stopped not long after that. All of a sudden too. Then, after finishing our keropok lekor and tea, we had some time screaming and splashing each other with pails of water in the hostel toilet. Got all soaked up. Damn gila. (: Just because there weren’t many people left in the hostel. Why do others get to go back earlier all the time?

2. Printing out some sudoku puzzles from the net. My addiction of this semester. I have found myself a new favourite pastime which keeps me entertained in class; when lectures are postponed, lecturers are late, while waiting for people, and when some lecturers made me sleepy in class. Hehe. I assure you, sudoku is best done with mp3 in your ears. Damn cun. (:

3. Having play practice every single day. Facing the hall every single day. It’s making everyone tired and exhausted, plus moody and conflict-ous most of the time. The nightmare of locking the hall and walking back to hostel at 12.25am has officially started. During today’s practice, I was actually reading out the lines said by my fellow actor friends up the stage. I think I am already immuned to the script.

4. I am very determined to finish the Desperate Housewives DVDs tonight. No it’s incomplete, only up to season 4. Few more episodes to go.

5. Oh yes, it’s time to go home! Bus tonight. I wonder how does a bas tambahan look like. Expecting to reach Butterworth around 4 to 5am, then catch the first bus back to Taiping. Long journey ahead. I’m getting sick of bus journeys. Sobs. Do I get to complain?


September 12, 2009 § 2 Comments

I often ask myself, why do I always find it so hard to shoot people. Verbally. Be it a stranger, a friend,  or even a kid. When I’m not satisfied, I would tell some other people. When I’m angry, I would spend some time to myself and let it go by the wind. When I’m accused, I would look straight into the eyes without a single word. I would probably be the one remaining silent, and you can probably think that you have won and laughed and bragged about it. I never find the amusement in arguing and debating. And I often remind myself to be cold towards those who once bled me with their words, and ignore them for what they did. But these people often need not apologize to have me laughing with them again.

Not many things can make me angry, but once it does it definitely leaves a great, deep scar. And no matter how much I try to act as if I am not bothered, there will always be something. Something that might keep me from staying close and have a nice, great bond. Something that might be the reason I’m not enjoying myself completely. Yes, call that insincere and sensitive, but everyone has a certain limit of tolerance right? And once it’s broken, there is no such thing as putting glue on it and start things all over again.

The times when you are just consumed with rage and filled with so much of anger that you feel like exploding, your blood rushes to every of your vein and marched along the attack line, words bouncing in your head and your body felt as if it was burning, and your hands strong enough to break things; just cover yourself up in the blanket and shout. Because not everyone would stand up and admit their mistakes. Because not everyone would consider about themselves and others as well.

It is human nature to not realize that they themselves are doing what they ask people not to. We whine, complain, criticize and talk about what we see, when there are actually so many things we did not see. No one is perfect, so therefore quit complaining about others if we ourselves are not ready to accept anything from them. A person is not defined from who he/she is, but what he/she does. The fact that people judge from what they see is not a good reason to keep ourselves from being ourselves. But being our self also means that others are being themselves.

If it was ever so easy to say.

We fight, we argue, we scold, we sulk with each other, but I hope it is remembered that we also laugh, we share, we enjoy the moments with each other.

All in One

September 11, 2009 § Leave a comment

If there is a thing that time teaches us, it is to appreciate people around us. Sometimes we can’t imagine how a word of farewell could bring so much pain in our heart. And of course it needs a whole heap of strength to bid someone goodbye. At times, it is really not easy to do that. We comfort ourselves with words that we like to hear. We think of things that can make us smile. We willingly put on hopes so that we can feel the priceless joy in case one of it comes true. We go for things that we desire. But we may not be that lucky all the time. Sure there will be times where some things stopped in the middle of nowhere, and we discover that there is no way out of it.

This churn of feeling sounds so familiar. I am smiling with tears in my eyes now.

Ah, tomorrow’s a weekend again! The routine for these few weeks remains the same; full rehearsal at 9 on weekends. Then have to go settle some stuff. Assignments to be completed. Editing and redoing for the better. Puff eyes!

i hear it whisper

September 2, 2009 § 2 Comments

If life looks hard then you need someone to love

But if you don’t have someone to run to you’ll always be sad

You need someone who helps you when time gets rough

And when you think the end has come you turn to that someone                                         [ lyrics by Lifehouse ]

different one

Well it ain’t easy be rational

It can be so hazardous, even laughable

And people die from what they’re asking for

Cause what they’re asking for, ain’t never heard of.

There’s a whole world dying,

And I’m no different.

Well I can’t be different.

I wish you could see my heart

Cause it’s whispering in a language I don’t understand.

Where Am I?

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