Of wondering and pondering

July 25, 2009 § 1 Comment

Whenever a memory pops into your head, you always have to wonder. Wonder how many more times you could remember the same memory? Forever? Would you ever be able to remember that again? How many times can you revisit a memory actually?

Is it really true that a memory remains in you, no matter how hard you try to erase it from your mind?

Sometimes I tried to take it lightly, because I know that present wins over past. I know that reality wins over hopes. I don’t dare to think about maybe, because it makes me speechless. Even more clueless than usual. It is not the matter of having choices from the possibilities, but it is about the chances you can see from the possibilities. Sometimes, there are just too many possible things, but yet you simply can’t say which one is the one.

I can’t find a good reason for me to know what I feel. Call me a coward, call me worthless.

Whenever things crop up, you always tend to wonder again. Wonder what is the best way to accept and react. Were you doing the right thing? Would you regret making that decision later? How many times can we actually sigh over what we have and have not done?

You will always have options. It’s like standing at a junction, with several little roads divided in front of your eyes, with a map on your hands. You must choose which path to depart on. Sometimes there are guidance, sometimes there are not. The choice is always in your hands. To refuse to move on or to boldly make a step forward.

I know it is not enough. Call me foolish, call me useless.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back.   -Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill-

Maybe at the end of the day, it all comes back to a simple wondering.

No, it’s not selfish to ask for more.

I tell you, being awake alone at 4.00am just makes you wonder and ponder. Too much.

This is a very very random post.



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