July 27, 2009 § 7 Comments
Fact 1 : I don’t need a comb in my room.
For the last three weeks, I lent my one and only comb to my friend Shan. She left hers at home one weekend, so she asked for my favour because she prefers mine than her roommate’s. Blame the different types of comb in the market. So, for the past three weeks, every morning I walked down to their room, combed my hair and went to class. Do admire my independence towards comb. I can survive without one! Hehe. Oh, she brought her comb back already, so I have mine back now.
Fact 2 : I don’t need a TV in my room.
I am having 16 DVDs of Desperate Housewives series, season 1 to 4. Yeyy! Minus the Supernatural, Prison Break and Gossip Girls series I have in my laptop. Of which I almost completed watching. And some movies my friends downloaded. (: So you bet what I’ll most probably be doing in the room. Who needs TV with only RTM and TV3 channel here?
Fact 3 : I don’t need an air-con in my room.
It’s going to be raining season soon in Kelantan. The sky gets dark most of the time, and the sun starts to shine for only a while in a day. The temperature starts to be lower, and it is becoming more and more windy. There are more occurrence of rain nowadays, all with the roaring of thunder and lightning. So much for the complaints during the extreme hot, dry and sunny days previously. Get ready for the drying clothes in room the whole day period.
Fact 4 : I don’t need a skirt or blouse in my room.
No other attire other than baju kurung is accepted during lecture classes. Not even skirts-below-knee and Punjabi suits for all nons. So many unnecessary NOs given. Opps, did I tell that even my hair is advisable to be tied and clipped? Yes, my shoulder-length hair. Seems that I could imitate the turn-your-fabulous-hair Hollywood style. Hollywood?! Oh, how I love my dear institute.
Fact 5 : I don’t need much decoration in my room.
The piece of wall in front of my eyes looks as if it had bruises all over. So many paint stains due to pull-off of old celophane-tape pieces. That girl came and asked for all her wallpapers before she officially move out of hostel. It was ridiculous to tear off all of those wallpapers because all were already torn. Yet, I just couldn’t stop her from taking revenge, right? I even helped her to remove every single piece of it. But no, I don’t feel sorry about myself, neither for her. It doesn’t bother me anyway. It’s been a month, and I still live comfortably with the wall. Haha.
July 25, 2009 § 1 Comment
Whenever a memory pops into your head, you always have to wonder. Wonder how many more times you could remember the same memory? Forever? Would you ever be able to remember that again? How many times can you revisit a memory actually?
Is it really true that a memory remains in you, no matter how hard you try to erase it from your mind?
Sometimes I tried to take it lightly, because I know that present wins over past. I know that reality wins over hopes. I don’t dare to think about maybe, because it makes me speechless. Even more clueless than usual. It is not the matter of having choices from the possibilities, but it is about the chances you can see from the possibilities. Sometimes, there are just too many possible things, but yet you simply can’t say which one is the one.
I can’t find a good reason for me to know what I feel. Call me a coward, call me worthless.
Whenever things crop up, you always tend to wonder again. Wonder what is the best way to accept and react. Were you doing the right thing? Would you regret making that decision later? How many times can we actually sigh over what we have and have not done?
You will always have options. It’s like standing at a junction, with several little roads divided in front of your eyes, with a map on your hands. You must choose which path to depart on. Sometimes there are guidance, sometimes there are not. The choice is always in your hands. To refuse to move on or to boldly make a step forward.
I know it is not enough. Call me foolish, call me useless.
There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. -Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill-
Maybe at the end of the day, it all comes back to a simple wondering.
No, it’s not selfish to ask for more.
I tell you, being awake alone at 4.00am just makes you wonder and ponder. Too much.
This is a very very random post.
July 18, 2009 § 3 Comments
Woke up after the second alarm today. At 7.00 am. I almost couldn’t open my eyes as I pulled myself to the washroom. I was on duty for the sandwich sale this week. Had to wake up early to pack the sandwiches and sell them around the block. It was fun except the part that I almost couldn’t open my eyes. 4 hours of sleep during a weekend is insufficient. Couldn’t sleep the whole day after that, until now. The effect of yesterday’s long hectic day was still so strong. I was out of my room since 7.40am till 10.30pm. Workshop at 8 till 10.15am. Stayed back for paperwork till 1. Ldes replacement class at 3 to 5.30pm. Ss replacement class at 8.15 till 10.15pm. Time in between the hours are for cooking and some talking. All on a Friday the weekend.
Saturday the weekend has come to an end too. The plan of sleeping in the afternoon was a failure because the weather was extremely dry and we lied down but chatted for hours. Today was a good day for friendship. Spent some time completing the paperwork again at night, as it was to be handed in on tomorrow. Sarawak is so near yet so far. Susah tul nak wat planning. Huge project because the duration there is going to be quite long, and we have so much to do. A lot. Banyak. Think about assignments. The Mov dramatazation. Project and interview.
Got a call from Caeme just now. Happy happy. I really miss her a lot. She called to tell me that she was leaving for Mara scholarship. To Indonesia for medic. We gave each other our farewell forbidden love speech. Can’t meet her online or sms her much already. Can’t send her off on Tuesday. Can’t sweet talk already. Haha. Yeah, we shall be having our promised vacation after your 6 years. Thought of the others as well. All scattered around Malaysia and overseas. Thanks to all who chat and video call and sms. Maybe I forgot to tell you that I needed comfort very much. I sangat rindu lah, bila lagi boleh jumpa? On Thursday I sent a miss-you-and-take-care msg to all my teachers who have my number. Suddenly missing them, and it was really a pleasure to receive so many replies from them. Haha.
And I don’t know why I’m missing you so much.
Got the news through msn. Teruk. Jadi victim again. It isn’t nice to feel like this, for like most of the time. To be picked on when something happened, to be abandoned when you weren’t needed, to be approached when there is an urgency and neccesity. There is nothing that can be done, for we should predict and expect such kind of treatment. But then, what the heck? You expect us to act this way when you acted that way? If you want people to trust you, first of all you must learn to trust people first! Doesn’t that apply to everything? So much of things, so many different kind of people, it could be terrifying. Dissapointing. Depressing. Different will always mean different.
Life is such a roller-coaster.
July 16, 2009 § 3 Comments
was it something you did?
or was it something you didn’t?
I’m getting used to it.
July 14, 2009 § Leave a comment
One year of knowing each other is
One year to to see the similarities and differences.
One year of sharing laughter is
One year to realize that nothing is ever easy.
One year of spending time together is
One year to keep the memories.
One year of searching is
One year to feel the changes.
One year of thoughts and opinions is
One year to accept and deny.
One year of troubles and obstacles is
One year to reach out and survive.
One year of anger and frustration is
One year to apologise.
One year of waiting is
One year to wonder the worthiness.
One year of silence is
One year to dissapear.
One year of being apart is
One year to miss each other.
One year is all we need.
One year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525600 minutes. 31536000 seconds.
– One year in Kelantan –
14.7.08 / 14.7.09 / and to come~
July 13, 2009 § 2 Comments
zi dao ni dong de jen si ta
ni zhi dao na ren she ni
dui bu qi, bie sheng qi
wo di que dui ni you gan jue
gao su wo ni ye zai hu
ru guo ni ming bai wo, ni jiu bu hui pa lei
ni de xiao rong gei wo shing fu
dong de rang wo wei xiao de ren
ye shu hui xiao zhe ku
nan dao shi wo zi ji ben
bu guo wo bu xiang jiu zhe yang fang qi
wo zhi xi wang ni hui tan bai
wo bu xiang tang hou lian pi .
July 9, 2009 § Leave a comment
Imagine yourself without sight sense. The whole world is all but a piece of dark colour. You could hardly imagine the shape of a chicken, the colour of rainbow and the face of your very own parents. When everyone else could run around happily, chasing over the ice-cream truck, playing hide-and-seek, you could barely walk around on your own. Yet, this little boy could read a whole paragraph of sentences just like any other normal kids. This boy could lead a group of friends of similar disability to sing a nasyid at national level. And this boy could recite the azan better than many others.
Imagine yourself without hearing sense. You never know the sound of pronouncing ABC, or the songs and laughs. Yet, this group of students could come up the stage and perform a choir performance using hand signals according to the song. They could synchronize with each other without a slight utter of sound.
Imagine losing both your hands. When absolutely nothing is reachable. You could never feel the difference between holding a pen and eating with your hands. No lying on the bed with arms folded over your books. Yet, this particular boy could make it to the Spell It Right contest held by NST 2009. This boy could sit for SPM confidently, and intended to be an IT designer after his ambition of becoming an engineer had to be given up due to his disability.
Lesson 1 : Be grateful for what you are.
A conflict happened. It was kind of big because the whole department turned to us and backed us up. Against that fella. Well, I was in charge of the souvenirs committee. The 12 of us were supposed to deliver the souvenirs and presents on stage, for all the VIPs, agencies, school performances and contests. Some things happened, some unexpected mistakes occurred. Some little mistakes. But we got scoldings and nagging. Not from our lecturers, but from some fella from the HEP Department. Who talks about PROTOCOL. Who pointed fingers at you with the following dialogues;
Lecturers kamu tak ajar ke?! (our lecturer was there at the moment)
Siapa yang bagi hadiah semalam? Kenapa bagi pengarah tunggu hadiah?!
Saya bukan nak over-rule lecturers kamu, tapi sayalah expert dalam protokol!
Kalau dah dapat tugas besar, pandai-pandailah cari orang yang expert!
Lecturers kamu pun satu, tak tau nak datang berguru dengan kami!
Kalau kami yang dapat kerja ni, dua orang pun dah boleh settlekan!
When they have no bussiness at all to do with the souvenirs committee. That fella ordered the 3 of us (me and my 2 other friends who were in charge of closing ceremony) to the be on the stage for rehearsel. Meddled and muddled with our arrangement of presents. The 3 of us carried the 30 hampers of presents to the hall, two at each time. That makes it 5 rounds of walking and carrying. And that fella was there directing us to rearrange those presents when we did it in the correct manner We told our lecturers and they had a rescue team sent on the spot. Our Head of Department and 3 other lecturers ticked that fella off, and were there with us on the stage during the whole closing ceremony.
Lesson 2 : Do not mess with English Department.
Coincidentally, two of those lecturers had classes with us today. The subject of both the lessons is PROTOCOL. Haha. And both of them what-the-hecked at the incident. Double haha. Our efforts and exhaustion were paid off at least.
Sometimes we just don’t seem to appreciate what we got. We have something there for us, yet we ask for more even though we know right well that it already makes us happy. And if the other person can’t offer what you requested, disappointment pops up. Sighing and critics appear. Little did we realize that these little reactions actually hurt people, no matter how insensitive they claim themselves to be. And the wound isn’t as easy as a simple cover-up with as-if-nothing-happens attitude, because it simply proves that you don’t understand him or her well enough. Words can be a threat to anyone.
Doesn’t dissapointment happen because of expectations?
Before you ask for something, ask yourself what you could do for that somebody. Sometimes we just failed to reflect on ourselves, our own attitude before we claim for something from someone.
P/s : The pain from the heels is worthwhile.