Hello 2012.

A few minutes to midnight, I was already sitting on the bed facing the laptop. A sudden pump of adrenaline rush flowed through my receptors as I looked at the local time. 5 more minutes to go. Right after shower just now, I had removed the 2011 calender, replacing it with a new one. The specially personalised calender I made for him and myself. A gift I hope could be the timeline for memorable moments for the coming year. 2011 was indeed the hardest year of my life. So many things changed – interests, emotions, thoughts and above all love and friendship. I can’t say for sure what caused these changes. Maybe it was me myself failing to recognise what that was there in front of my eyes. Maybe it was because I was waiting for something that would never come true. Maybe it was me myself having expectations on certain things. Maybe it was me failing to make balance between all the important things in life. Ah, too many maybe’s that could make you think forever.

On this very same day last year, I was out partying like nobody’s business. I wanted to be in a new environment, to be part of the local new year countdown. It was an experience I would not forget, and never could. It was the day of so many events, so many different emotions, with a particular lesson to be learnt. For a mistake you have done, there is always a price to pay. That’s one of the rules of life, isn’t it?

And so, the bf suggested that I watch the New Year firework celebration on BBC online. It was one of the prettiest firework releases I have seen on TV, what more to see it on live. I seriously have to watch it next year, I told myself. I smiled at the arrival of 2012 and couldn’t help feeling so ever grateful. The thought of family and friends brought a sense of peace at once. Having them in my life makes me so greedy, because I want them to be in my life. Forever.

Life can be so unpredictable at times. I would have never imagined walking down this road, and ending up here today. Very few people have ever knew what I really aimed for in life; I would rather not put on too high hopes because I had fallen so painfully before. But walking down this road has been the best thing ever. I have come to realise there are so many things to be learnt in life, apart from achievements.

I started to run through pictures in my backup files, until a soft beep on my phone woke me up from the reminiscing moments. The very first Whatsapp message I received for the year. Sadly enough, it was to tick me off for failing to cut myself into two and treat everything equally between love and friendship again.

To what extent could you understand someone? Never if you never put yourself in someone’s shoes.

Did you realise that you should not blame others for doing what you yourself are doing? Did you know that I was in the situation that that particular period of time might be the most difficult time of my life? Did you know that I was only doing what keeps me happy?

Just how much a person can light up your life, that same person can hurt you in the same manner.

I remain silent not because I have nothing to say. Rather, I’m hoping that this will be my only contribution to make things right again. Quoted from a friend’s status on fb. Exactly what I was going through.

And so, I couldn’t sleep with the little pain in my heart till this morning, and I had to pull myself out from bed at 2.30pm.

Hello 2012.

2011 : My Faves

1. Get control of what you want. It’s really worth the sacrifice if you hold onto it long enough. Faith can be the most fragile thing ever.
2. Everyone’s a critic. Just learn to deal with them. For me, turning a deaf ear works. Even though it hurts to pretend that you don’t know and don’t care.
3. I’m still a hopeless idiot when it comes to making decisions. Maybe it’s because I always think about what they think. They as in people whom I am close to.
4. Don’t let your happiness depend on someone too much. Because that someone who gives you so much of strength can be your only weakness at the same time.
5. Karma is indeed a bitch. No wonder it’s always good to consider about the consequences before you do or say something.
6. The three words to sum up life. It goes on.

Goodbye to the hardest year of my life.

Christmas – The Day that Lights Up the Year

They say presents can represent how much the giver understands the receiver.

And it does!

I seriously have no idea in which past lives we had been related before, but somehow the crazy girls are my life here. No matter how childish or annoyingly hyper we turn into when we are together.

And because I love this picture so much I have to post it here again.

Merry 2011 Christmas! (:

Dear Santa, I thank you for the priceless joy and heartbreak I felt today.

The December Joys

Sneak peak for Christmas gift-exchanging!

Pressies for everyone!

 

And the cards with special messages.

Tomorrow’s mission : The making of sweet potato tang yuan. And more shopping time perhaps?

The Scars of Me.

These few days, I often find myself in very unstable moods. All I often do is close my eyes, hold on tight and believe. I have always insisted on “what you see is what you believe”, but nowadays I think I am losing grip on that statement.

What if what you see isn’t everything you ought to know? And what if what you believe isn’t everything you saw?

If love is like riding a bike, then you would often be falling off and scraping your knees.

Current mood : Jinggly Christmasy! Super excited shopping for the girls, really hoped they loved their individual gifts. Wee! Hopefully will update more about Christmas lah! Hohoho

The instant blink of truth

Recently, I’ve been thinking about something and I realised a fact. At times even the closest one in your life can’t even understand you. So, what’s more important is you understand yourself. And appreciate those who understand you.

That was what I told a close friend of mine today.

And that was what that hit me straight onto my face.

Changes

I think one of the most dreadful things we choose not to face is changes. Every day, we are constantly keeping up with the pace of time and the people around us. Whether we admit it or not, what we do and how we behave actually really depends on the environment surrounding us.

Some people allow themselves to be immersed completely in the things around them, because that makes them feel comfortable.

Some people allow themselves to be controlled by the things they like, because that makes them feel happy and satisfied.

Some people are too obsessed with what they think about the things around them, and consequently missing out the most important instances in their lives.

And when things start to change, most of us would react possessively towards what we used to have. Maybe it’s because we are fearful that we might lose the security we felt before. Or maybe it’s because we are fearful that we might lose the things we are currently having.

Well, all I can say is what you expect is not necessarily what you get. What you think is not necessarily what other people think. It all comes back to the fact that every individual is different.

If you want to hold back changes, then might as well you don’t move forward. 

So true.

7 months.

Just so funnily..when you miss someone out of random times, you tend to look back at the old conversations, trying to find the traces you had missed.

p.s. How have you been?

My “Life in a Week” Poem

One of our Reading Week tasks was to produce a poem about days in a week, inserted with the BM elements in it. This was what I posted onto my Language and Literature class blog.

It’s not easy to be a cikgu,

Oh that fact I knew!

I think I’ve caught the flu

Together with the Monday blue.

As I read the summary

of Tuesdays with Morrie,

I am reminded of life constantly;

Betapa indahnya hidup ini,

Especially when you have roti canai cecah kari!

Unspoken words keep drifting away

On this wordless Wednesday,

But darling, trust me,

There is so much more left for me to say.

Thursday child are bornt with a crown,

But they always like to fret and frown.

Any dispute will soon be through

as long as you stay calm,

So don’t you dare to make muka masam!

Again I find myself at mamak

The best usual thing on a Friday night,

When the clock strikes 12 I screamed “Alamak!”,

For now I have to take flight

And rush home with all my might.

I turn the radio on a little louder

when it is The Saturdays with their best song;

It made me smile and sing along,

And immediately make me wanna balik kampong!

I will never know

how easily the days go;

With Sunday Mirrors and a toast,

I sat down sambil minum Milo,

Outside the window I looked

And it suddenly just snowed.

And I wonder where it rhymed? Haha.

Sunday Secret.

No matter how far I try to run away, it still comes back to me. And I could felt it burning every inch of my heart.

You get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could’ve said a million times.